Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Selamat memasuki tahun yang baru. 
Malam ini aku ngga bisa tidur. Malam ini hippocampus dan sistem limbik benar-benar bekerja keras. Sampai lacrimalis tumpah ruah. Merenung banyak, banyak kejadian yang harus disyukurin, banyak juga missed goals dan failures, tapi yang paling bikin sedih adalah mimpi-mimpi yang harus segera diakhiri. Ya Tuhan, kenapa aku banyak mengeluh? maafkan..
Mungkin tahun depan, acara tahun baruan diganti jaga di rumah sakit. Tahun ke depan banyak tantangan yang menunggu, banyak tanggung jawab, dan artinya adalah sedikit main-main. Udah ngga pantes lagi bertanya "is this really what you want to do?" dunia sudah semakin realistis, bercampur dengan idealis.
"Apa resolusimu untuk taun baru kedepan?" "......"
Jangan tanya itu, aku pusing jawabnya, pokoknya mari kita keep our feet underground, live and let live, dan
be more grateful.

What's your life? for you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.
You don't know what tomorrow will bring.
Ya Tuhan, tolong.

2015, semoga bersahabat ya sob.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Just watched Like Father, Like Son そして父になる 
Beautiful and touching scenes.
Parents & children. Been wondering about having a child, efek satu rumah sama keponakan yang gemesin dan kuliah Obgyn yang bahasannya seputar ibu dan anak. Being a good mother is every girl's dream. iya kan?


You are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love. 

- Warsan Shire

Saturday, November 1, 2014

 Thank God :) Your grace is beyond compare...
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, Colossians 3 : 23. Words to live by banget, masih harus banyak banyak belajar banget.
Did you 

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Tak ada kesedihan yang sia-sia
Waktu akan mengumpulkan pecahan-pecahannya
untuk menyusun kebahagianmu suatu ketika

Kesedihan bisa digunakan
untuk menggarisbawahi kebahagiaan

Setiap orang akan menyeduh kesedihan
dan kebahagiaanya di secangkir teh atau kopi
dan meminum airmatanya sendiri

Sebuah puisi tentang Kesedihan,
oleh Joko Pinurbo

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen" - Elisabeth Kubler
What makes a person beautiful? Untukku pribadi, the beautiful one comes from the strongest one. Biarlah hargai kesubjektivitasan ini. Being strong is to love someone in silent, to radiate happiness when we are unhappy, to stay calm in moments of despair, to show joy when we don't feel it, to smile when you want to cry, to make someone happy when our own heart is broken, to be silent when we feel like screaming our anguish, to comfort when we need to be comforted, to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down. From coal into diamonds. I have one of those people in my life, she is my mother. She doesn't buy me fancy things but she teaches me how to endeavor in this mad world with kindness, sweat, and hope. I love and respect her a lot, and I wanna make her proud and happy. Jadi, jangan patah semangat dulu ya, walaupun realita sungguh terlihat suram. Ingatlah ibu kita yang terus berjuang.. 
Keep strong! 

Saturday, September 13, 2014

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine

Posted March 2010. Repost.
Ada anak baru masuk SMA curiosly asked herself the definition of an undefined word, love. 4 years later, udah ngerti?

Friday, September 5, 2014

“Remember laughing? Laughter enhances the blood flow to the body’s extremities and improves cardiovascular function. Laughter releases endorphins and other natural mood elevating and pain-killing chemicals, improves the transfer of oxygen and nutrients to internal organs. Laughter boosts the immune system and helps the body fight off disease, cancer cells as well as viral, bacterial and other infections. Being happy is the best cure of all diseases!” - Patch Adams.

That moment when I could forget my problems for a while, give peace a chance and laugh! Karena masalah itu akan selalu ada, atau memang direncakan ada untuk kebaikan kita? Sekarang lagi ada masalah ya, buk? Yaudah cope with them, semangat! Thank you for those who make me laugh in my darkest times, trims teman-teman & saudara-saudara Tuhan berkati! 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

" There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever " - Meredith, Grey's Anatomy.

Perhaps it's true that in certain areas of our life, we actively seek out solitude. It protects but at the same time steadily cuts away at from the inside.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Thank God. A moment of deep gratitude, joy, and warmth #kknbbm50 
Kuliah kerja nyata, teman baru, lingkungan baru, pengalaman baru, pelajaran baru. Hore!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014


It happens like this. One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else- closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps because this person carries an angel within them- one sent to you for some higher purpose, to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do us trust in them- even if they come hand in hand with and suffering- the reason for their presence will become clear in due time. 
Though here is a word of warning- you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself.  And once this is fulfilled, the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more.
But letting people in and trusting them is quite challenging for me. Life has taught us to be skeptical about everyone's intentions and motives, but once I trust someone, he or she has my complete trust. Then you're changed a little. This person takes away parts of your willingness to let other people in. He or she also took parts of the trust you have for yourself. Those intangible things will never come back.

pretty well said, hmmmmm. I read those over somewhere btw.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Sunday, July 6, 2014

       Growing up means learning what life is. When you’re little, you have a set of ideals, standards, criteria, plans, outlooks, and you think that you have to sit around and wait for them to happen to you and then life will work. But life isn’t like that, for anybody; you can’t fall in love with a standard, you have to fall in love with a person. You can’t live in a criteria, you have to live your life. You can’t wait for your plans to materialize, because they may never materialize the way you think they will. You can’t wait to watch your ideals and standards walk up to you, because you can’t know what’s yours until you have it. I always say, always take the first chance in case you never get a second one, but growing up takes that even one step further, growing up means that you have to hold on to what you have, when you have it, because what you have- that’s yours- and all the ideals and criteria you have set in your head, those aren’t yours, because those haven’t happened to you.
- C. JoyBell C.
You’ll not only miss the memories you do have, the person you did know, but you will also miss the memories you could have had, the person they would have become. You’ll miss the uncertainty of having them here, the wide-open future of them. We never miss the future until it’s taken away.
You find yourself wondering what you’d say to them if you only had one more conversation. You build these grandiose monologues in your mind, where you tell them how much you love them, how much they built you into the human being you are today, and how beautiful it was to have known them. The truth is, though, despite all these beautiful things you could say, you know you’d be fully satisfied with just a simple hello.

The Art Of Coping: On Missing Someone Who Is Gone.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


Jangan lupa tolong, terimakasih, dan maaf.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

A wise man once said, "You can have anything in life, if you will sacrifice everything else for it." what he meant is, nothing comes without a price. So, before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good, means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in, means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming. When we don't have time to come up with a strategy, to pick a side or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear.
-Grey's Anatomy