Saturday, December 19, 2015

Thank God. A little escape after those twisted rotations, another storm is coming.. 
Let's survive

Monday, November 9, 2015

Bridge Over Troubled Water

Whenever I'm feeling sad and lonely, I'd like to sing this song and remember I'm not alone :')

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Friday, November 6, 2015

Current feeling

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

 - Michael Catchpool, Victoria Ball

Solitude is bliss. Are you sure?...

Monday, September 7, 2015

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

-Bob Marley

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

"I like being on my own"
"why?"
"because it's so lonely out there"
"why?"


unconsciously add more bricks, to build the wall.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Sunday, August 2, 2015


"I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love." :o

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Saturday, July 25, 2015


A bosom friend – an intimate friend, you know – a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. A circle is round, it has no ends, that’s how long I want to be your friend.

Sunday, July 12, 2015


I built my walls too high 
Bottled up my emotions too tight
And kept everything to myself for too long

Barrier from complexity to perplexity
I need to breathe


Friday, July 3, 2015

"This might be a nightmare, I just have to go back to sleep" she slept. Then, she woke up. with teared-eyes. Terrified. "Where did it come from?", she wiped her eyes. "I don't know, I don't want to know" she really didn't know how to deal with it. She hid under her blanket and tried to shut her eyes again as if nothing happened. Trying to escape.
But, she knew that she have to keep going. 
"I hope everything is going to be alright", she said on her prayer. 

Sunday, June 28, 2015


4 hari ini langit lebih indah dari biasanya. Aku memang suka langit. Tapi sepertinya kata suka tidak cukup untuk menggambarkan perasaan ini. Terimakasih telah melatarbelakangi hari-hari belakangan. Aku akan selalu merindukan langit yang seperti ini.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Patient

They surely need enough sleep
they surely need high nutrition intake
they surely need medicine
 

but after all
what they need the most is..
caring

to be listened,
the presence and
the company

Dr. Edward Trudeau, founder of a tuberculosis sanatorium once said "To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always"


huhu, ngga enak jadi orang sakit(padahal baru 2 hari ngga enak badan) -.-

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Hidup itu ngga pasti ya. Kalimat yang ngga asing dari telinga kita : Tuhan punya rencana untuk tiap-tiap umatNya. Percaya. Tapi dasar manusia lemah dan dangkal, sering terasa blur dan penuh tanda tanya. Rencana itu ada, tapi kalau manusianya sendiri miskin usaha sih ya ngga tau lagi, makanya selamat berjuang. Ini bukan dunia dalam pasar malam.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

"Sleeping next to someone, not with someone, is perhaps the most intimate you will ever be with another human. In sleep, we are completely defenseless. We are soft and supple and childlike. Our hard exteriors falls away when the sand hits our eyes. The way you sleep, with your face softened and your arms wrapped around my waist, is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I am not an artist, but I may become one just so that I can capture that moment."—Michelle K, I Miss Sleeping Next To You
euuuu

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Mon petit prince préférée


Chapter 21 (The little prince and the fox)

It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing."I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at." "I am a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince. But, after some thought, he added:"What does that mean--'tame'?"
"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"
"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?" "No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends.”
“What does that mean--'tame'?" "It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties." "To establish ties'?" "Just that," said the fox.
"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part,have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."
"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince. The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious."On another planet?" "Yes." "Are there hunters on that planet?" "No.""Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?" "No." "Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ." The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please--tame me!" he said."I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince. "You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me,every day . . .”
The next day the little prince came back. "It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just anytime, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vine yards. But if the hunters danced at just any time,every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all.”
So the little prince tamed the fox.
And when the hour of his departure drew near--"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."  "It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ." "Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince. "Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses."You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarassed. "You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passer by would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because itis she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose. And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

Chapter 25 (The pilot and the little prince)
......
"Ah," I said to him, "I am a little frightened--"
But he interrupted me. "Now you must work. You must return to your engine. I will be waiting for you here. Come back tomorrow evening . . ."
But I was not reassured. I remembered the fox. One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed . . .” 
......

Chapter 27 (The pilot and the little prince)
......
"I, too, am going back home today . . ." 
Then, sadly-- "It is much farther . . . It is much more difficult . . ."
I realized clearly that something extraordinary was happening. I was holding him close in my arms as if he were a little child; and yet it seemed to me that he was rushing head long toward an abyss from which I could do nothing to restrain him . . .
 His look was very serious, like some one lost far away. "I have your sheep. And I have the sheep's box. And I have the muzzle . . ."
And he gave me a sad smile.I waited a long time. I could see that he was reviving little by little.
"Dear little man," I said to him, "you are afraid . . ." He was afraid, there was no doubt about that.
But he laughed lightly."I shall be much more afraid this evening . . ."
Once again I felt myself frozen by the sense of something irreparable. And I knew that I could not bear the thought of never hearing that laughter any more. For me, it was like aspring of fresh water in the desert.
"Little man," I said, "I want to hear you laugh again."
But he said to me: "Tonight, it will be a year . . . My star, then, can be found right above the place where I came to the Earth, a year ago . . ."
"Little man," I said, "tell me that it is only a bad dream--this affair of the snake, and the meeting-place, and the star . . ." But he did not answer my plea. 
He said to me, instead: "The thing that is important is the thing that is not seen"
"Yes, I know . . ."
"It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers . . ."
"Yes, I know . . ."
"It is just as it is with the water. Because of the pulley, and the rope, what you gave me to drink was like music. You remember--how good it was."
 "Yes, I know . . ."
"And at night you will look up at the stars. Where I live everything is so small that I cannot show you where my star is to be found. It is better, like that. My star will just be one of the stars, for you. And so you will love to watch all the stars in the heavens . . . they will all be your friends. And, besides, I am going to make you a present . . ." He laughed again.
"Ah, little prince, dear little prince! I love to hear that laughter!"
"That is my present. Just that. It will be as it was when we drank the water . . ."
"What are you trying to say?"
"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my business man they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You--you alone--will have the stars as no one else has them--"
"What are you trying to say?"
"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night . . . You--only you—will have stars that can laugh!"And he laughed again.
"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure . . . And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them,'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you . . ." And he laughed again.
"It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh . . ."And he laughed again.
Then he quickly became serious: "Tonight--you know . . . Do not come."
"I shall not leave you," I said.
"I shall look as if I were suffering. I shall look a little as if I were dying. It is like that.Do not come to see that. It is not worth the trouble . . ."
"I shall not leave you."
But he was worried."I tell you--it is also because of the snake. He must not bite you. Snakes--they are malicious creatures. This one might bite you just for fun . . ."
"I shall not leave you." But a thought came to reassure him: "It is true that they have no more poison for a second bite. "
That night I did not see him set out on his way. He got away from me without making a sound. When I succeeded in catching up with him he was walking along with a quick and resolute step.
He said to me merely: "Ah! You are there . . ."And he took me by the hand.
But he was still worrying."It was wrong of you to come. You will suffer. I shall look as if I were dead; and that will not be true . . ."
I said nothing.
"You understand . . . it is too far. I cannot carry this body with me. It is too heavy."
I said nothing.
"But it will be like an old abandoned shell. There is nothing sad about old shells . . ."
I said nothing.
He was a little discouraged. But he made one more effort: "You know, it will be very nice. I, too, shall look at the stars. All the stars will be wells with a rusty pulley. All the stars will pour out fresh water for me to drink . . ."
I said nothing.
"That will be so amusing! You will have five hundred million little bells, and I shall have five hundred million springs of fresh water . . .”
And he too said nothing more, because he was crying . . .
"Here it is. Let me go on by myself." And he sat down, because he was afraid. Then he said, again: "You know--my flower . . . I am responsible for her. And she is so weak! She is so naive! She has four thorns, of no use at all, to protect herself against all the world . . ."
I too sat down, because I was not able to stand up any longer.
"There now--that is all . . ."
He still hesitated a little; then he got up. He took one step. I could not move. There was nothing but a flash of yellow close to his ankle. He remained motionless for an instant. He did not cry out. He fell as gently as a tree falls.
There was not even any sound, because of the sand.


( Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry )

I love the little prince, it's so true... And I'm drowning into tears, right now..

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Clarity

 
I always love of this kind of ambience, calm and clement. Found this natural spring after walking through the forest. It was located in the middle of Tembeling forest, it took about 45 minutes walking. Quite tiring but the sceneries we got were absolutely worth it. The natural springs were separated by gender, so I was literally alone sitting there. Having a moment of solitude in the middle of nowhere, wuuu. The spring was directly facing the ocean. The sound of waves, wind, water, and forest collided into a beautiful harmony. The feeling was remarkable I couldn't forget how magical it was. 

  
A 5 minutes walk from the natural spring, I entered such a cave and dazzled by this piece of art He made.


The pellucid waters between dense forest and blue ocean. 
The time seemed to slow down reaching the point of clarity.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Kembali sejenak


Smala. Lapangan basketnya ngga banyak berubah, tetep panas! tapi sekarang sekolahku jadi lebih hijau. Di pagarnya sekarang dihiasi pot tanaman, di depan dekat parkiran ada green house kecil, di taman dekat lab bahasa ada kandang ayam dan merak (mini bonbin), di dekat kantin ada jejamuran, wah kenapa ngga dari dulu aja. Hari ini ke Smala, udah lama ngga main sama #srigala dan niatnya bersilahturami sama guru-guru, mau ketemu Pak Har lapor anaknya kemarin barusan jadi sarjana. Jadi teman aku, Raras, kemarin Minggu wisuda S.Kom huaaaa senangnya. Rasanya baru kemarin pulang sekolah bareng naik angkot V sama Raras, eh sekarang udah lulus udah mau lanjut S2 di luar sana, time flies.

"Kalau semakin ke atas, anginnya semakin kencang"
"Kalo kerja harus pake hati"
"Pokoknya jangan terus mengejar materi, nanti ngga bahagia"
Dapet banyak petuah, terimakasih Bapak Ibu guru yang selalu inspiratif :')
Dan ketemu Pak Har, wali kelas selama di Smala. Kalimat pertama beliau waktu ketemu "Ono opo kon" terus pake nada khas Pak Har (yang tau pasti ngerti) hahahaha. "O pancet ae kemplo" hahaha iya pak masih longor longer dan longest. "Kon kok maleh kuru, eh tenang ae tapi engkok yo lemu maneh" HAHA. Aduh kangen jadi murid beliau yang selalu penuh dengan motivasi hidup dan suka ngejelekin/ngatain muridnya tapi demi kebaikan kita.

Ini tikussss, Qonita. Dia ngapain di gawang? Tanya dia aja. Eh udah lama ga manggil tekoss

Udah jalan-jalan muterin Smala, ketemu Sella (aku lupa nama aslinya) yang sekarang jagain koperasi, terus beli gantungan kunci Smala sama es kacang ijo yang harganya masih tetep 1000! setelah itu kita berhenti di lapangan basket, nunnguin Steven main basket -.- Jadi memandang ke lurus depan (yang gambar paling atas), hm itu lantai 2 kan lab komputer, hahahahaha jadi inget dulu pernah melakukan hal aneh di sana sama si Vani. 2 anak insecure takut kena hukuman gara-gara upacara ngga atribut lengkap, terus dapet ide sembunyi di lab komp, lebih tepatnya duduk jongkok di belakang robocop merah alias tong sampah gede merah. Duduk jongkok insecure disana sampai upacara selesai. Ya Tuhan, kenapa kita aneeeh banget hahahhaaha tapi kalo diinget-inget jadi lucu ngetawain diri sendiri sama Vani.


Ada yang tau itu lukisan apa? Itu Jembatan Merah! Lukisan yang dulu dibuat bersama-sama club lukis yang dipelopori Pak Taufiq, guru kesenian favorit akuuuu! Sabtu-sabtu pagi ke Smala bawa cat sama kuas,huaaa.Tapi sayang sekali lukisannya terbengkalai, ngga jadi-jadi haha. Mungkin karena anggotanya mayoritas anak aksel haha, haha, haha, maafkan kami. Akhirnya beliau sendiri yang menyelesaikan, eh tapi bangga pernah ikut berkontribusi hahaha. Sekarang masih ada ngga ya club itu, sayang banget....

Pindah tempat ke TP, hahaha heran kenapa ya kita selalu jalan-jalan kalau engga ke TP ya Delta. Terus dulu janjiannya selalu di Gramedia :) Foto box lagi, wah udah 4 kali foto box bareng #srigala. Makan. Ngobrol. Ngobrol. Ngobrol. Ngobrol. Sampe ngga kerasa udah soreeee. Tapi obrolan sama mereka selalu asik, bisa apa aja, bisa berbau ilmiah, bisa ngga penting banget, bisa seputar asmara haha, bisa futuristik seputar masa depan, terus main truth or dare yang ujungnya truth or truth. Ngobrol yang kamu kalo mau ngomong ya ngomong aja I'll listen and I won't judge you, selalu suka bersama orang-orang semacam ini :)
Senangnya! Highschool never ends!

Saturday, March 14, 2015

These are a few of my favorite things. 
In case you're feeling blue, simply remember your favorite things.

If you look and listen deeper to those things, dan tiba-tiba kamu senyum. Terus waaaaah tiba-tiba rasanya ingin berterimakasih. Lihat langit yang lagi biru gradasi, lihat cahaya matahari yang masuk lewat celah-celah ranting pohon, lihat ikan-ikan berenang di aquarium, lihat tanaman di pot, lihat barang-barang koleksi yang (menurutku) lucu, lihat video daun-daun yang ditiup angin, lihat foto-foto yang ditempel di meja belajar, banyak! because there are 1000 simple ways to fill your heart with good energy. Simple happiness, trims! Nanti kalau aku sedih lagi, masih ada 1000 ways lain :)

What is this sound?
It's stuck in my head.
is this the sound of emptiness?

The half of myself is floating, wander to where it should have been gone.
And the other half is here, stuck. It's so heavy here. 

Time is falling like a waterfall. Time is like pollen we don't even realize it's flying.
My chest is burning.I want to run.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015


“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” - Anais Nin
Yes, we are.

Sunday, March 8, 2015


“As time passes, the day will come when everything will fade to memories. But those miraculous days, when you and I, along with everyone else, searched together for just that one thing, will continue revolving forever somewhere deep in my heart, as my bittersweet memory.”
4sho!

Friday, March 6, 2015

"It’s a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up inside with needing them — and they simply don’t need you. That’s all there is to it, and neither of you can do anything about it. And they’ll be the same way with someone else, and someone else will be the same way about you and it goes on and on — this desperate need — and only once in a rare million do the same two people need each other"

Tiba-tiba teringat obrolan di kosan teman kemarin, haha...